


Interdimensional Love Song

by Emcee



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Character Death, Developing Relationship, Drama, Established Spock/Nyota Uhura, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Includes fan art, Insecure Spock (Star Trek), Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Romance, Older Characters, POV Nyota Uhura, Possession, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Post-Star Trek VI: Undiscovered Country, Romance, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29021865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emcee/pseuds/Emcee
Summary: Nyota struggles to deal with her ambivalence to Spock's proposal, when she's besieged by memories. Only, they are memories of a life she never lived. She becomes plagued by an obsessive compulsion to soothe the inexplicable ache in her heart, one that has only suddenly appeared.
Relationships: Spock Prime/Nyota Uhura Prime, Spock/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 19
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

Spock was standing absolutely stock still, hands clasped behind his back. This was somewhat infuriating to Nyota, that he should remain so calm. She knew that it was just in his nature, a part of his Vulcan heritage. Still, Nyota _hated_ it at the moment.

"Your argument is completely illogical, Nyota," Spock brow rose as he tilted his head slightly, that imperious Vulcan expression that just told Nyota that he knew everything and she knew nothing. "We have been in a monogamous relationship for over five years-- bar our recent brief estrangement. I have no plan to pursue any other mate. Do you?"

Spock's stoic stance was so annoying because Nyota couldn't remain still. She had to move around, full of nerves from the discussion. She paced in front of him, shaking her head. The question had left her agitated. "I don't have any plans to do that either!"

It was not that question that had irritated her, but the one he has posed before. She couldn't believe he'd asked her in such a way. While you always had to grade romance on a curve when it came to Vulcans, bringing up what he did while she was in the middle of brushing her teeth was one of the more ridiculous things her boyfriend had ever done.

"I did not say that you did. I was merely asking. But that makes your refusal all the more perplexing." Spock took a hold of Nyota's wrist to halt her, pulling her close to him. He touched her cheek with his free hand. Just a hint of psionic energy passed between them, his affection for her flowing into her. "If we are to remain together, why should we not make our relationship legally and ritually binding?"

"I love you, Spock," Nyota assured him, responding to his unvoiced declaration. She leaned into his hand, letting him feel how true it was through her emotions. "And I do want to marry you. Eventually. But it's not that easy!"

Spock blinked down at her. "I fail to understand why it is so difficult."

Nyota shook her head sadly, the movement causing Spock's fingers to fall away from her face. People thought he was so cold, but that was only because they didn't understand him. She could see the emotion in his eyes. He loved her and her rejection hurt him deeply. She reached up and touched his cheek in a mirror of what he had done. "Spock, do you know what I go through every day on this ship?"

"You are the Chief Communications officer. You go through quite a bit," Spock responded. The dispassion in his voice belied the look in his eyes, the desperate want from him to accept his proposal.

Nyota hated hurting Spock. But she couldn't deny her own feelings just to assuage his fear of rejection. She pulled out of his embrace, turning her back to him. She looked to the floor. Her reasons were stupid, she knew it. But they were her reasons. "Everyone on the ship knows that we're together. No matter what I do here, I'm seen as Commander Spock's girlfriend. That anything I do is just because of our relationship. I understand now why you didn't want me to be posted to the Enterprise. The 'appearance of favoritism'. If we get married while we're still on the ship, it's just going to get worse."

She felt Spock's warm body behind her. His strong arms wrapped around her, drawing her against his strong chest. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head. "I do not care about the opinion of others. My initial assessment was incorrect.You have earned your position on this ship and you prove that every day. Your treatment as a crew member by either myself or the Captain is due to your skills and not my regard for you. Our marriage will not change that fact."

Nyota closed her eyes and took a hold of one of his hands. She raised it up, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his palm. "I just turned thirty, Spock. We haven't been back together for long. We're not in any rush. You haven't had your Burning Time yet."

"It is logical I be bonded to my partner prior to the Pon Farr, so I am not caught unaware," Spock tightened his embrace on her. "And even without logic, I just wish for you to be my _Aduna_."

Nyota released Spock's hand as she let out a sad sigh. The conversation would go nowhere good if they continued it. "I'm just not ready yet, Spock."

"Understood."

Nyota's body listed as she no longer had the support of Spock. She opened her eyes and watched as he strode towards the door, not looking back at her. She covered her face with her hands, guilt and sadness washing over her. She did not regret what she had said. She and Spock had promised to be honest with one another. With something so important, Nyota couldn't hold back her feelings, even if it was unpleasant for Spock to hear.

Still, she hated to cause her _Mpenzi_ any heartache. He might try to make it, but he did feel such heartache, as deep as any being she'd met.

Nyota fell back onto her bed, groaning.

As she hit the bed, her breath hitched. Something strange had come over her. A cold chill ran through her. There was a presence in the air, permeating her being. Nyota gasped out at the sensation.

A voice filled her ears. It sounded so familiar, yet so alien at the same time.

 _Remember_....

* * *

**2294**

"Ambassador!" She couldn't hide the delight in her voice as she walked towards him. "It is so good to see you!"

He nodded his head to her, his face not showing any emotion. "Captain. It has been too long."

Both of them remembered the last time they'd been together. She felt the sharp pang of sorrow. That they should have lost two of their friends so closely together was almost too much to bear. Two of their friends and compatriots, lost to random accidents. They'd gotten through years of the fiercest battles... But they could not survive retirement.

The Ambassador made no comment on the morose nature of her mood. Not that she expected him to. In fact, it would have been strange for him to do so. Instead, he looked around the reception hall. "From what I have seen of this ship, it is impressive. If we were not at a diplomatic function, I would ask for a tour."

She flashed him a smile, the same smile she'd given him for decades. "I'll give you a rain cheque for that. Next time you're aboard I'll show you around. _Jemison_ 's nothing like the _Enterprise_. Nothing really exciting happens here. Just taking around boring dignitaries... No offense."

"It is not in my nature to take offense."

She gazed up at him and saw not the dispassionate expression he tried to maintain, but a smoldering heat focused on her. It made her heart flutter in her chest, as if she were some twitterpated schoolgirl and not a middle-aged starship captain. "She's a good ship. I like her."

His eyes seemed to grow even more heated as he took a step towards her. "As a ship is only as good as the person captaining it, I believe it is the best ship Starfleet has to offer."

Her cheeks felt warm. She was surprised by such a compliment from him. He was not prone to flattery. She couldn't believe he could have this sort of effect on her after so long. Of course she'd always held a deep appreciation for him, for his intelligence, his bravery and his physical attractiveness. She'd thought she'd long ago grown out of her crush. Did women her age really still have crushes? But he was the same as ever and he'd grown even more handsome with age. "Ambassador..."

"There you are, Captain!" Curzon Dax exclaimed as he strode up to the pair. "You owe me a dance. You snuck off last time I saw you."

Without missing a beat, the Ambassador took her hand. She felt a jolt go through her at the touch. "I am afraid, Ambassador Dax, that I already have the Captain occupied."

Before Dax could protest, The Ambassador led her to the dance floor. He took the lead, placing a hand on her hip. She swallowed hard, her body pressed up against him. It was a heady sensation, being caught up in his aura. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but you don't have to do this. Curzon may let his hands wander, but he's nice enough. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"It is never uncomfortable to be with you, Captain," his voice was a low murmur, like black velvet caressing her skin. She felt a shiver go through her at the sound. He pulled her closer and she pressed against his chest. She could feel the defined muscles beneath his tunic.

"I just never thought dancing at a party was something you would do." She averted her gaze, feeling overwhelmed by looking into his eyes. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck. Her nose filled with the scent of his, spicy and masculine. His hand was warm against her hip. "I suppose a lot of things have changed for you. Do you dance at a lot of diplomatic functions?"

"Most people assume I do not wish to." His breath was warm as he whispered into her ear. "Most people are right."

"Oh?" She chuckled softly, biting her lower lip. "But you'll dance with me?"

The hand against her hip tightened. "You have never been and will never be most people."

* * *

She awoke with a gasp, panic setting in as she looked around the room. She knew where she was. She was in her quarters. But... No... Something was wrong. None of it was right. She knew that place so well, but at the same time she'd never been there before.

There was something missing. Something that made her whole being ache. Before she could stop herself she was on the move. She didn't bother to change out of her nightgown, running down the corridor of the Enterprise in her bare feet. She passed by a few crewmembers who looked at her askance. She didn't care. They didn't matter. All that mattered was soothing that ache.

She hit the buzzer to the XO's quarters. It took only a moment for him to answer. He was dressed in his robes, obviously interrupted from his meditations. "Nyota? Are you well?"

She let out a small sob, throwing herself into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist. Spock made no move to halt her. If anything, he supported her attempts to wrap herself fully around him. Nyota buried her face in Spock's neck, taking in his scent. She needed to have him closer. Why wasn't he closer to her?

Spock carried her into his quarters. Just being with him was a balm on her frayed nerves. Why was her mind so uneasy?

"Don't leave me," Nyota pleaded, the disorientation of her dream still weighing on her. "Please don't leave me."

"I am here," Spock assured her softly. He kissed her tenderly. "And you will never lose me. A small disagreement cannot break our connection."

Nyota pressed herself closer to him, needing to be enveloped by him. She could feel the longing deep inside her. She had _missed him_ so deeply. It was as if a piece of herself had been ripped out of her.

She was so confused. Why did she miss Spock so much when he hadn't gone anywhere?


	2. Chapter 2

**2294**

To an outside observer the Ambassador might have appeared stiff and formal. Certainly, someone who did not know him better would think his straight back, hands clasped behind his back posture was a sign of discomfort. But she definitely knew him better. There was a slight curve at the corner of his lips, the ghost of a smile. "I thank you, Captain... You are most welcoming to me."

"Just doing my job, Ambassador. You know that _Jemison's_ primary function is as transport for the diplomatic corps." She had other things she should have been doing. He was not the only ambassador aboard the ship.

With a small lift of his right eyebrow, she could tell that he knew she was neglecting other duties in favour of attending to him. "I am sure you have a lieutenant who could have shown me around the ship. I am a very low ranked ambassador and hardly of concern to a captain."

"My friend is a concern to me." She didn't know what compelled her, but she took a hold of his arm. It was an incredibly forward move to do to a Vulcan, but he did not recoil from it. In fact, she heard him take a sharp breath and felt his hand cover hers. "Even if you are new to being an ambassador, you're famous to all of these kids. Half my crew wanted to escort you. I had to pull rank for the pleasure."

It was now her turn to take a sharp breath at the look in his eyes. She'd seen that look from him when they'd danced together at the reception the month previous. "The pleasure is all mine."

Again, she cursed herself for her reaction to his gaze, to his words. He was her friend. She should not have been having such thoughts about him, but it was hard when he looked at her like that. She tried to ignore it, instead just smiling teasingly. "I didn't think Vulcans took pleasure."

"When logic dictates it, how can we not?" He leaned in towards her and his presence seemed to become even larger around her, looming over her. "And when one is being shown around a spaceship by an old friend and a delightful woman, pleasure is most logical."

It was almost frightening, the way she felt with him gazing down at her. With him speaking so openly and honestly. She felt her nerves grow, not knowing how to handle the intensity of the air between them. She had to look away from him. She glanced out the viewport out into the starscape. They were travelling at impulse, the stars still clear in the blackness of space. "I never get tired of that view."

"There are few that can match it." When she turned to look at the Ambassador, she noticed he was still looking at her rather than the starscape. She turned back to the viewport quickly. Yes. The stars were much easier to look at. They didn't look back at her, seemed to stare deep into her.

"Is the view why you only remained on Earth such a short time? After Khitomer, I thought you were remaining at the Academy to teach." He touched his hand to her shoulder. As heady as it was looking at him, she found the touch to be comforting, relaxing.

She leaned into the touch, closing her eyes. She had always craved touch. She was affectionate with her fellow crew members when she'd been in the lower ranks. But now that she was captain, it didn't seem right. But _his_ touch felt right. It wasn't just because he wasn't under her command. There was something electric about his fingertips brushing over her body. "Earth just wasn't home. There's not a lot for me there. I've been in Starfleet since I was twenty. In the Academy since seventeen. I don't have any friends left on Earth. And my family..." She gazed up at him, finally feeling comfortable to look at him. She brought up a hand to touch his face. She traced a wrinkle with her thumb. He was still as handsome as he'd ever been. "My family became you boys. The only place I've belonged for years was on a ship."

He allowed her to touch him, bringing his hand to cover hers. She shivered as two fingers briefly brushed against hers. "It was because of my attachment to our crew that I could not remain on a ship. Once we were decommissioned... And then what happened... To the Admiral."

She could feel the grief as if it were her own, a pain that threatened to overwhelm her. Tears rolled down her cheeks unbidden. Neither of them had been with him when it happened. It seemed so wrong... A man like that killed in such a random accident. Hardly fitting a hero of his stature.

Now his free hand was on her cheek, brushing away the tears. "He would not want you to cry for him."

"I don't think I am," she whispered. She took a step back and looked him over. She could see the truth in his eyes. "I think you are." The stains may have been on her cheeks, but as sorrowful as she was at the loss of the Admiral, she'd already shed her tears for him.

The Ambassador hadn't.

He gave a nod. He didn't allow the distance to remain between them. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers. "Thank you. For doing what I can not. Your emotions are... Beautiful in a way a Vulcan's could never be."

She looked up at him through tearful eyes. She fisted a hand in his robes. She knew what she wanted to do, what she'd wanted to do for years if she were honest. His breath was warm against her skin. He seemed to catch her thought, her desire. "You are emotionally compromised."

"So are you," she murmured. "Do you not want me to?"

He leaned in closer still. "Only if it is not because of misplaced grief."

"Sugar, I've been waiting thirty years."

Just as his lips were about to touch hers, she heard the voice behind her.

"Captain? _Captain_?"

****

She turned at the voice. "What?"

"Lieutenant, what are you _doing_?" Kirk demanded.

She let go of the robes she was clutching. No, they weren't robes. It was a tunic. A Starfleet issued tunic. An old one, from when she first joined the service. But it wasn't. It was different. There was a texture to the fabric, a small delta pattern over the science blues.

A dark gaze was on her, but it was not one of simmering lust with an undercurrent of sadness, but blatant concern.

Nyota pulled away from Spock. She looked around the bridge. All eyes were on her. She blinked as the memory of why the Captain was chastising her came back to her. She had risen from her seat and walked to Spock wordlessly. She put her hands over him. She tried to kiss him.

Everyone on the bridge knew of their relationship, of course. But few had seen such flagrant affection between them, especially in the middle of a shift. What had compelled her to embrace him in such a way while they were on th bridge?

"I'm sorry, Captain," Nyota murmured. She hurried back to her seat and slipped her earpiece back in. "I'll get right back to work."

"No you won't," Kirk replied. "What's going on, Lieutenant?"

"It's nothing," Nyota insisted. "I slept poorly last night. I must have drifted off for a moment."

She turned back to the comm con. But before she could start her work again, Spock walked to her side. He placed a hand on her shoulder. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, enjoying his fingertips brushing against her.

"Lieutenant, it is highly unlikely you would suffer from somnambulism at your post. You have also never experienced such a thing before. I have observed your sleep patterns for half a decade..."

Her stomach twisted as an ugly emotion washed over her. He was wrong. Not in his assessment... _He_ was _wrong_. Everything was wrong.

The bright lights of the ship seemed to flare in her eyes. Everything was a harsh white. She caught her reflection in the high shine of the comm. She brought a hand up to touch her high ponytail. It was her... But it wasn't her.

The voice in her head grew louder. It filled her ears, drowning out the interference she was trying to listen to. She pulled out her earpiece again, her head already beginning to ache from the sounds.

The voice was like a drum. It was a command repeated over and over. Nyota cringed, covering her ears with her hands, trying to muffle the noise.

_"I will return to you."_

_"You better, or else I'll have to come find you."_

_"I will return to you."_

_"You better, or else I'll have to come find you."_

_"You better, or else I'll have to come find you."_

_"You better, or else I'll have to come find you."_

_"You better, or else I'll have to come find you."_

"Nyota!"

"Leave me alone!" The scream was torn from her throat before she could stop herself. She swung her hand, connecting with Spock's face.

"Lieutenant!" Kirk snapped. "You're relieved of duty immediately."

Spock's gaze remained on her despite the stunned expression on his face, a small trickle of forest green blood slid down his lip. "Captain, permission to escort Lieutenant Uhura to sickbay."

"Permission granted." Kirk eyed them warily as he sat back down in his seat. "Hawkins, take over for Lieutenant Uhura. Spock, how soon will you be back?"

His hands were strong, guiding her to stand. The voice screamed out in her head... It wasn't right. There was something in the touch that was wrong. Was different. At the same time, she craved it.

"I do not know," Spock replied. "Dereliction of duty is highly undesirable for me, however..."

"Make sure she's okay, Spock," Kirk said, nodding. "I'll get Masters to fill in for you."

He led her to the turbolift. The doors had barely closed when Nyota threw her arms around his neck. She took in his scent. Her eyes fluttered shut. There was that spicy, masculine scent. She pressed against him.

"Nyota?" Spock questioned, smoothing a hand down her back. His confusion radiated through the touch. "What is happening?"

"You _left_ ," Nyota shouted. The anger welled in her anew even as she tried to mold her body to his. He wasn't close enough yet. Something wasn't right. "You _left_. You left me alone. You said you would never leave me."

"Nyota, I have not left you." Spock's hands were firm as he tried to pull her away, but she fought against him.

The voice in her head grew more and more distressed. The words repeated over and over again. She pulled at his tunic, wanting desperately to cling to him, not understanding what was so wrong with him. There was so much right, but so much wrong. Not just with him, but with her. What was happening? Her heart pounded in her chest. She felt like it might explode.

She felt Spock's fingers touch her psi points. " _Sleep_."

Even as the soporific command made her relax in his arms, she found no rest. The voice continued to echo in her dreams.

" _I'll have to come find you."_


	3. Chapter 3

**2295**

"Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming your personal chauffeur," she teased as she poured them drinks. She turned back to him, sprawled out on the sofa in her private quarters. He looked so wonderfully relaxed in a light tunic and pants. He didn't even have his shoes on. She didn't know if she'd ever seen him in such a state of repose. She held out the glass of Vulcan port to him. "I spend so much time ferrying you around the Federation. This is the sixth trip in as many months."

"You are captain of a diplomatic vessel. I am a diplomat. It stands to reason we would cross paths often," his gravelly voice was deadpanned as he accepted his drink. He held his glass aloft, waiting for her to toast.

She obliged him, touching her glass to his in a light clink as she sat down beside him. "I think you just like _Jemison_ and request it to send you around."

He sipped his drink. "I have no preference for one starship over any other." He set his drink aside now, sliding closer to her. His fathomless eyes seemed to bore into her. "However, your summation is mostly accurate. I do request this ship. But it is not because of the vessel."

She drank deep from her drink. Over the months they'd been circling each other, they hadn't yet addressed the issue head on. Maybe she was imagining it all. The only thing she could do was finally broach the subject, even if she did do it by teasing. "A girl might think you're courting her."

"I _am_ courting you," he said plainly. Two fingers lifted her chin up to look at him. "Have I not made that obvious? I will admit the intricacies of human courtship have always been elusive to me."

She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips. It made his eyebrow shoot up. She realized quickly it seemed like she was laughing at him. "I'm not laughing because of _you_. I'm laughing because of me. I know we've been... Keeping each other company."

They still played Ka'athyra together. That had for so long been their ritual. They took their meals together. They even indulged in the light affection of hugs and pecks, fulfilling the cravings she had that she could not satiate with anyone else on the ship. But it wasn't more than that. It couldn't be. Hearing him say it... It seemed to make it all the more unreal.

His head cocked slightly as he sat back, his dark gaze running over her, scanning her. "You believe I'm being dishonest with you. Vulcans do not lie."

"Sugar." She cupped his cheek, smiling at him sorrowfully as she shook her head. "You don't want me. You never wanted me."

He took her hand and laced their fingers. "I was never in a position where I could allow myself to want you. You were my subordinate. And I believed it was my duty as both an officer and a Vulcan to suppress my desires."

She let out another laugh. It held a bitter note, so very unlike her. "You're still a Vulcan. That hasn't changed."

He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes. She could feel his warm breath against her skin; soft, warm and even. "Before, it was easy to deny myself connections. I thought as a young fool does... That we were immortal. That I would have all the time in the universe for what I wanted, because what I wanted would always be there. I know loss now. I know everything can be over in an instant. And I do not wish to wait any longer."

The feel of his mouth against hers was nothing less than heaven. Her fingers slipped into his dark hair. It started as just a gentle press of the lips, dry and soft. His mouth then opened, sucking gently on her upper lip before slipping his tongue into her mouth. She let him take the lead, still reeling that they were in this position to begin with.

When he finally withdraws, he does not move far, still resting his forehead to hers. His fingers stroke against her cheek. "Words are imprecise. Will you allow me to meld with you? I can show you."

She felt a fleeting sense of fear, memories of the few times she had seen a mind meld coming back to her. He continued to caress her face. " _Emafa kito_ is another form of _kashek nohv_. It is only used with a Vulcan's closest companions. It is not an invasion, but an embrace of each other's thoughts and feelings. It is the only way my people have to truly share their emotions."

She gave a small nod and then his fingers were pressed to her cheek. She gasped as the images and sensations flooded her. It was like a tidal wave of sensations crashing over her. The feelings were not as she knew them. She didn't know how he could stand it. They were so strong, so overwhelming. He kept this inside him all the time? Never letting his outward appearance betray what lay inside?

He saw their friends, their compatriots. They had all meant so much to him. He trusted them above all others. It was because of the pain he felt inside at not being able to serve with them that he had tried to perform the ritual of _Kolinahr_. He felt too exposed; too human.

It was only after his rebirth, when he struggled to touch his emotions, when he realized how precious they truly were. They were too much a part of himself to deny. He was both Human and Vulcan. Denying one half in favour of the other was to deny who he was.

By surrounding himself with Humans, he was able to live vicariously through their whims and wants.

The Admiral-- no, he still thought of him as _The Captain_ \-- represented this more than anyone else. He was a man who did not resist his whims. He reacted on instinct. The Captain did all of the things a Vulcan wouldn't allow himself.

She felt the pain of the Captain's death anew. The galaxy would be a little less bright without him in it.

The whole crew was all in his mind, in his heart.

So was she.

He'd always been physically attracted to her. He thought most people on the ship were. But it was her charms that drew him. Blatantly flirting with him while he sat in the Captain's Chair... When she teased him in the Rec Room with a song, he was unable to hide his smile despite his best efforts. He had only allowed himself to show his regard for her while under the influence of the Medusan ambassador.

He watched her be affectionate with other members of the crew and felt the jealousy in him. She resisted touching him. She tried to tell him she only wanted to respect his space. But he did not want space between them.

She saw her smile as he did, lighting up the room. The sound of her laughter, like tinkling bells. A deep trust and understanding.

She took another breath as she felt him withdraw her mind. She sniffled. She didn't know why she was crying.

"I have overwhelmed you," he murmured, dashing away her tears. "A Vulcan's emotions are deep. It is why we try to suppress them. We would destroy ourselves if we did not."

"All these years...." She whispered. "You've wanted me all these years... Why now? Why when I'm not..."

He tilted his head. "When you're not what?"

She looked away. "Why did you wait until I got old?"

"You think you are no longer beautiful," he murmured. He ran his hand over her face. "You were lovely when I met you. A delicate rosebud." He pressed his forehead to hers. "But now you have bloomed. Every line on your face... Shows me the life you've led. Shows me your strength and your kindness. You asked me once why I did not call you an attractive young lady. Such words were inadequate to describe you then and they remain so now. I cherish you and desire you today as much as I ever did. More, because I will allow myself such indulgence."

She made her decision. She rose to her feet and slowly, methodically began to remove her clothing. He watched her with a smouldering gaze. As the last of her clothes fell, she stood in front of him, bared.

She knew he could see her cellulite. Her breasts were victims of the artificial gravity of the ship. She couldn't believe it had only been a few years previous she'd volunteered to do a naked dance to lure in raiders.

She could name a thousand flaws, and yet when he looked at her she felt as beautiful as she'd ever been.

He silently rose and began to remove his own clothing. She bit her lower lip as his pale, greenish skin was revealed to her. She raised a hand, placing it on his chest, lightly playing with the hair over one pectoral.

"As you can see," his voice was low and soft. "I am hardly in peak physical condition, despite being in what should be the prime of a Vulcan's life. I do not know if it is because of my human lineage or the trauma I have gone through..."

"Shut up," she whispered. She ran her hand down, feeling his heart pounding in his side. She knew he could normally regulate such things.

"You undo me," he murmured. "I cannot control myself around you and I find I do not wish to."

She gazed up at him. Her own heart was thundering in her chest, the blood rushing in her ears. "I want to say something. I know we're just exploring things and I don't want to rush you..."

He put a finger to her lips and leaned in close. "I have spent my life trying to deny my need for those around me. But after all this time I know... The only logical thing is to love you."

* * *

Nyota's eyes snapped open. His hands were still on her body. But it wasn't the sensual caress he'd just been experiencing. One hand was on her meld points, while the other clutched her shoulder.

"The meld is... Not forthcoming. But I know that something is wrong."

"I don't know what to tell ya. Her brain scans are the same as ever."

She thrashed around, trying to focus on where she was. She set her eyes on the person who had just spoken as he scanned her with a tricorder. "We were going to meet you at Farpoint Station, Admiral."

"What the devil are you talking about?"

"No..." Nyota shook her head, gulping in breath. "That was twenty years ago." She whimpered, clutching her head. "No, it's not for seventy."

"Uhura." The Doctor leaned in. "Where are you?"

She touched her hand to her cheek, smooth beneath her fingers. "I don't know. _Wilat nam-tor t'nash-veh k'diwa_?"

A warm hand pressed to her shoulder. "I'm here, Nyota."

She glanced at him-- it was Spock, but there was something not right about him. She jerked back. "Don't touch me! I don't know who you are."

He pulled his hand back, but he remained close. " _Nash-veh tor ish-veh._ "

She cupped his face. His skin was supple, unlined. "Spock?"

He was Spock. The Doctor was Leonard McCoy. And she was Nyota Uhura. She knew that. But there was something else. Something more.

"My head hurts," she whispered, lying back on the bed. Her mind felt like it was overflowing. There was too much in there. A life she had never lived.

Spock pressed his forehead to hers. "We will figure this out, Nyota."

She couldn't bear to tell him she still did not recognize him. She knew he was Spock... But he was not her Spock.

**Vulcan-English:**

_Wilat nam-tor t'nash-veh k'diwa?_ —Where is my beloved?  
 _Nash-veh tor ish-veh_ —This one is yours.


	4. Chapter 4

**2296**

She was surprised when she opened the door to her quarters and found him standing on the other side. They'd only been in space dock for a few hours. She let out a light laugh, always enjoying the sight of him even if she hadn't expected it. "What are you doing here, Sugar? Your trip isn't for another wee--"

He swept her up into his arms. She had grown used to his strength in the months since they had become lovers. Yet this was different than she'd ever experienced him in that time. His mouth was hungry against her, ferociously claiming her lips. He carried her towards her bedroom as his mouth descended, licking and nipping at her throat. " _Ashayam_."

Just the endearment was all he needed to say to speak of his want, his absolute need for her. While they'd maintained a healthy sexual relationship when they were able to see each other and always greeted each other enthusiastically, it was never to this extent. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, running her fingers through his hair as he sucked on her neck. "Not that I don't appreciate a visit, Sugar... But what brought this on?"

He set her down on the bed and knelt in front of her. He held her hands and looked up at her, his eyes wide and dark. "I wish to declare _Koon-ut-so'lik_."

Of all of the things she had expected to hear, that was probably the last thing she'd expected. She couldn't stop the smile from dominating her face as she stroked his cheek. He leaned into her touch. He felt hotter that she'd ever felt him before, like he had a fever. "You're proposing? This is so sudden..."

He turned his head and nuzzled into her palm. He then began to kiss and lick the skin of her hand. "I am in the early stages of _Pon Farr_. In my study of _Kolinahr_ , I learned meditations to control the symptoms of the _Pon Farr,_ which I have used in subsequent periods. But now... I find that I do not desire to simply endure the Time. I desire to experience it as is intended... With my bonded mate. With you."

She could see the lust and love in his eyes as he gazed at her, still lavishing her hand with affection. He groaned. "I burn, _Ashayam_. My eyes are flame. My heart is flame. If you do not desire me as your husband, I will endure my Time on my own. But I want to spend this Time-- All of my Times and every moment in between-- bonded to the one I chose. To you."

He had told her about Vulcan mating rituals not long before. Perhaps he knew it would be upon him soon and didn't want to spring it on her. He could have prepared her better, let her know that it would be happening to him in the near future.

Still, he'd been reluctant to speak of it at all. She knew how sensitive it was for him, but how important. And the idea of marrying him... She pressed her forehead to his. It was so warm against hers. "Oh Sugar.... Of course I'll be there for you during the _Pon Farr_."

She pulled him up to her and kissed him softly. He made a noise low in his throat and he deepened the kiss. After a moment, she pulled back, looking him over. He looked eager to do... Everything. But she still had reservations. "But are you sure you want to get married? I do love you, but it's just so soon! We've only been together for a little while..."

The expression on his face was more open and honest than she thought she'd ever seen him. He was actually smiling at her. It wasn't a half smile or a tiny smirk. It was an honest smile. Of course, the _Pon Farr_ brought emotions to the surface. "We have known each other for over thirty years. There are few alive who know me better than you do."

She smiled sadly, knowing he could only honestly say that with the Captain's death. She wondered what the Captain would have thought of their relationship. He would probably be happy.

He stroked her cheek softly. "He would have been very happy for us. And would ask me uncomfortable questions about our intimate relations. Now please say you will marry me. There is no other I want but you."

She nodded. "Yes, I will marry you."

His smile grew wider as he kissed her hungrily. He picked her up once again, pressing her to him. "We must go quickly. The ceremony needs to take place on Vulcan. It will take us several days to get there. I have procured a civilian vessel for us..."

"Sugar, I do have a perfectly good ship," she pointed out. "And they're used to doing what I say."

" _Jemison_ needs resupplying and crew rotation. It is unfair to make so many people give up their leave for the personal needs of one Ambassador." He pressed a toothy kiss to her neck. "Besides, I will require you attend me during the trip to stave off the _Plak Tow_. Your crew might look at you askance we were to do so aboard your ship."

"So if I need to 'attend' you who is going to fly the ship?" She questioned.

"I have a discreet pilot. As well as a medical professional to make sure we are both in good health."

He led her off of her ship to the space station. Once in the turbolift, he attacked her mouth, pressing her against the wall and grinding against her. " _Ashayam_ , I hunger to enter both your body and mind. I should have taken you in your quarters, slaked my thirst for you before our journey."

She nuzzled her nose to his. "You'll have to remember that for next time. My illogical fiance."

"I am only bereft of logic because of my condition," he growled softly. "But being referred to as your intended... That is satisfying in a way I had not thought possible."

He kissed her harder and more thoroughly than she thought possible. When he pulled back, he'd given her lip such a sharp nip he'd drawn a drop of blood. She blinked dazedly as the doors to the turbolift opened into a hanger.

"Bout time you got here! Are you really telling me we stopped her just to get Captain Uh--"

"Doctor?" She interrupted him, looking at her friend and former colleague in surprise. "Of course you'd be the medical expert!"

"I'm always the medical expert. Now listen, ya hobgoblin... I know you're supposed ta bring your closest friends wit' ya as witnesses, but the Captain shouldn't be exposed to that and we really need ta get movin'."

"Doctor." A feverishly hot arm wrapped around her waist. "The Captain is not a witness. She is the bride."

The Doctor looked them over. "You're kiddin'. The two of you? For how long?"

She leaned against her future husband. "A few months. Almost a year."

The Doctor laughed, shaking his head. "And yer really gonna tie yourself to this ice blooded devil permanently?"

She nodded, gazing up at her fiance. He was so beautiful and when he looked down at her he didn't need to say any of his emotions because she could see them in his eyes. "He's really very warm. Especially at night."

The Doctor shook his head. "Don't need to hear anymore about that. Well, congrats you two. Now come on! Last time ya nearly died. At least this time I know the bride won't jerk ya around..."

Before she could say anything, she was scooped up in powerful arms and carried into the ship. Once ensconced in the personal quarters in the back, he laid her down on the bed. His fingers sought her meld points. "We will become one in a few days. But for now.... I must start the bonding process."

"Of course," she cried out, feeling him slip into her mind. "I need you in my mind...."

His voice was a low purr. "What we do comes down from the time of the beginning, without change..."

* * *

Nyota ran her fingers over the smooth, slightly stubbly cheek. She just skimmed her fingers over his meld points. He was beautiful in repose. Somehow, this impossibly baby-faced Spock looked even younger while he was so open and relaxed. Nyota smiled softly down at the man she had chosen. The man who had chosen her.

"This is the Vulcan heart. This is the Vulcan soul..."

Spock's hand shot up and grabbed her own, pulling it away from his face. He laced their fingers together. "What are you doing, Nyota?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say. There was no excusing what she'd been doing, the words she'd been saying.

Spock sat up. Even when he was in the deepest of sleeps or meditations he could be roused in only a moment to full wakefulness, like a switch had been flipped. "How do you know those words? Why would you say them? You would never mock me."

"I'm not mocking you," Nyota insisted. She shook her head slowly. "Why would you think I am?"

It was now Spock's turn to touch her face, gazing up at her. "I ask you to marry me and you turn me down. Now you speak the words of betrothal."

"I turned you down?" Nyota blinked, trying to cast her mind back. It was so hard to remember. Her mind was so muddled. She had turned down the chance to bond with Spock? What had she been thinking? Why would she want to deny herself that connection? "But I love you."

Spock just arched a brow silently at her.

Nyota looked away, averting her gaze. They had been fighting. She remembered now. Yes. They had been fighting. Not her, but _her_. "I just got scared. But.... Seeing how much your loved me, how worried you were about me this afternoon... It makes me rethink things."

Spock took hold of her hand. "How are you feeling? Any more confusion?"

She smiled. "I don't know what to tell you, Sugar. I was confused this afternoon, but I feel fine now. You know, I get thrown out of my chair a lot. Maybe I had a small concussion."

Spock leaned in and brushed his lips against her temple. "Perhaps. The Captain will still insist you remain off duty until Doctor McCoy can ascertain what occurred."

"I'm fine," Nyota insisted. She knew what she had to do and she'd never be able to do it if the entire crew was worried about her. "I was just... Discombobulated."

"If you are well, the Doctor will clear you soon." Spock kissed her softly. "Now if you don't mind me making a query... Why are you calling me Sugar? You have never referred to me as such."

Nyota smiled softly, trying to mask her thoughts. If he knew the truth, she'd never be able to do what she had to. "Just something I was trying out."


End file.
